Puke Duty

Somehow, I seem to have found myself on puke duty the last two weeks in a row. The first instance, long story short version:

-friend George's bachelor/farewell party at a club two weeks ago
-George's talks smack about friends failing to get him drunk on his birthday, friends plan revenge my getting bottle service, force him to drink insane amount of alcohol
-George goes to puke in washroom. Half hour later I find him passed out on the floor outside the washrooms, puke oozing out of his mouth, while being surrounded by two large and unhappy security guards
-guards take him to backroom so club people wont get in trouble
-I get my car, and the guards sneak him out the backdoor. It takes 3 large security guards to carry him into my backseat. I wonder how the hell I'll get him out of the car
-get to my place, manage to drag him out of the car into the garage, but cant move him anymore. he pukes some more
-get a piece of luggage with wheels on it so i can wheelbarrow him inside, but doesn't work
-grabbed an air mattress and rolled him onto it, then dragged him inside my place
-manages to roll off mattress onto floor, pukes some more
-crashes on the floor, more puking

So last weekend a buddy of mine invited me to a downtown club. Once again bottle service is ordered. A friend of his cousin's, already drunk before she got in the club, gets totally wasted, can barely talk or hold herself up. No one's looking after her so I decide to stay with her in case she needed help. Her friend asks me to help get her to a cab so they can go home. Of course, we can't get to the elevator, so I carry her in my arms down at least five flights of stairs which leads to once again the backdoor. At this point she starts puking so I have to hold her because she can barely stand, all while her friend tries to hail a cab while periodically breaking down in tears. Oh yeah, a lot more puking happens. (while waiting on the sidewalk for her ride to come, I got a lot of Way to go! comments from guys walking by and also an old lady stopped to say she was drunk like that once, funny!)

So I had this small bruise before this night, but the next morning it turned into a gigantic ugly bruise, probably from carrying the girl down the stairs



Gross!

Oh yeah, I won't even mention how later that same night I got bit by another drunk girl! She bit me!