Man up

Thinking aloud, on

Ok so I was sitting at home and just finished studying up some Italian. Now normally I'm quite content to stay at home and do work or chores or something, but lately I've been feeling the need to be around people, which is very unlike myself since over the years I've gotten quite used to solitude, a lot more so I think than most people since I'm perfectly comfortable to watching movies by myself or even going to water theme parks by myself. But I think because lately I've been hanging around large groups of people quite frequently, through volleyball mostly, that I'm beginning to find that it is just nice be around people, to have that kind of interaction even at the remotest of levels. So I figured I'd hit the gym and do some running since there is always people at the gym. So I'm running my laps and as I was running one of the random thoughts that came to me was that the reason I wasn't meeting more people was not because I haven't been around people, but because I wasn't talking to people when I was around them. So then this brilliant idea came to me that I make it a point to go out and talk to a random person any time I go out. Brilliant except for one thing. It would never work! Anybody who knows me knows two things about me: I'm shy, and I'm quiet. I've been told many times by people with the best intentions that I should stop being shy and go out there and try talking to people. While I totally agree, that is unfortunately easier said than done. It is difficult for anyone not shy to understand what it is to be very shy, just as it is difficult for me to understand what it is like to give birth (unless you're like Arnold Schwarzenegger in that movie where he's pregnant). But try to picture that feeling you get whenever you face whatever it is you fear the most, that sort of nervous, uneasy feeling that escalates until you can no longer take it anymore. Thats the feeling I get everytime I approach somebody. If you were to have a birds eye view of me in a store trying to approach a sales person for some help, you would see me get halfway to that person than turn right around, and that would repeat for at least 3 or 4 times. Happens to me all the time, no exceptions. If you saw me trying to buy my subwoofers you'd see just that scenario. Or if I have to make a phone call, I'll dial half the number, then chicken out and hang up, then repeat that process another 4 or 5 times until I finally get the courage to complete the call. Grrr it sucks! Always happens! Even on MSN I get scared to message people, and they're not even face to face with me! Shyness is the trait I have that I like the least, and it has caused me great frustration over the years. In many ways its like a disability since it doesn't enable me to do normal things. But like many disabilities, it is something that you have to live with but it is something that can be overcome at the same time. So perhaps I can do it afterall? I mean I've made great strides over the past couple of years, simply by listening to that little "Man up!" voice in my mind I gave myself. Maybe I just need to give that voice a little more volume? Everytime I go out may be a bit of a little too much too soon, but perhaps once a week is something I could handle for now. But talk is cheap. Now to put my money where my mouth is. Man up! Right?

Thinking aloud, off